Growing up, I heard bits and pieces about a Saturday Night Live skit involving a land shark. My parents weren't regular viewers, but they'd watch SNL from time to time. Anyhow, at some point they'd seen one of the land shark skits and were talking about it one evening in my presence. Being about 5 or 6 at the time, the idea of a shark on land wasn't as funny to me as it was to the adult world. Even after my parents had reassured me that there were no such things as land sharks, I remember being scared that they might be wrong and I could wake up one night to a shark hovering over my bed.
Well, obviously that never happened.
What did happen is that I got older and realized that rather than being a threat, a land shark is pretty funny. In fact, as I got older, I started to realize that a lot of things I'd been afraid of weren't so bad. Looking at them from the other side of childhood, I began to see them as silly or ridiculous -- like a shark, hunting on land. Anyhow, in some way, as I matured, "land shark" came to represent the bogarts that inhabit the silly, irrational, superstitious part of my inner world: more funny than frightening when you see them for what they really are.
So what's all of this got to do with my blog's name? Well, the most well-known skit of the land shark has the land shark trying to get a woman to open the door by pretending to deliver what? That's right -- a candy gram.
- [Scene: A New York apartment. Someone knocks on the door.]
- Woman: [not opening the door] Yes?
- Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Arlsburgerhhh?
- Woman: What?
- Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Johannesburrrr?
- Woman: Who is it?
- Voice: [pause] Flowers.
- Woman: Flowers for whom?
- Voice: [long pause] Plumber, ma'am.
- Woman: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?
- Voice: [pause] Candygram.
- Woman: Candygram, my foot. Get out of here before I call the police. You're the shark, and you know it.
- Voice: I'm only a dolphin, ma'am.
- Woman: A dolphin? Well...okay. [opens door]
- [Huge latex and foam-rubber shark head lunges through open door, chomps down on woman's head, and drags her out of the apartment, all while the Jaws attack music is playing.]
What's that? I've got to go. I think I hear someone at the door.
2 comments:
What a clever ending for your silly post, Jorge! Did you get the door? Wait...is that why I can't find you in the house now? Honey, where are you?
He's at my house, looking for keys so he can steal my car. Next time at least do the breakfast dishes!
Post a Comment